Values

I recently was asked by my son to read one of his reports for school.  One of his minors is Criminology and so he has been taking Juvenile Delinquency this semester.  Part of his final report has been to research and write a paper on some subject in juvenile delinquency, the writer gets to pick.  I must say, I am blown away by Matthew's topic choice.

Sometimes as parents, we don't realize that the values we instill in our children as they are growing up will then become the values that they live by.  God tells us in Proverbs 22:6, "Start children off on the way they should go,and even when they are old they will not turn from it".  When Matthew was younger, I planted those seeds for God to grow them.  I tried hard to instill in Matthew's life value for work, value for how we live, value on how to treat people, values for all aspects of life.  This morning, I saw the big picture on how those values have impacted my son.

Matthew's topic for his final research paper is himself.  Over the years, Matthew and I have had many conversations about his biological father.  Most recently, he was asking me about that marriage as compared to my marriage now.  I told him it was completely different.  I explained to Matthew that in my first marriage I had "rules".  Not many people know, because I just didn't share. I had a curfew, I had an allowance, I had to follow the rules or I would be punished.  And while the punishment wouldn't always be physical, it was always emotional.  I remember praying to God one night, just give me someone to love me unconditionally.  And **poof** guess who all the sudden was pregnant?  I shared for the first time with Matthew recently that he truly is a miracle child.  I should have NEVER gotten pregnant.  I was still technically on birth control and other forms of birth control were used because my then husband did not want the burden of a kid.  And yet, God gave me the gift of a baby. 

I named Matthew his name because it means, "Gift of the Lord".  That's what he is.  Matthew was and still is MY gift.  Matthew was what God gave me to refocus my values and shift my eyes to God.  Matthew was my reason for finally saying NO MORE to that horrible marriage.  Matthew was my purpose in walking away and having someone love me and depend on me.  So at 4 months pregnant, I began divorce proceedings to get out of a marriage full of adultery, lies, and anger.  A lot of this story was just never shared with Matthew.  I was always embarrassed by my choice in marrying that first person.  I was never valued in that relationship and yet, I couldn't walk away.

I never really thought that my choices would or could have an impact on my son and his life.  And I praise God everyday that He lead me to Chris.  Chris is not a perfect husband but he values me and Matthew.  He places value on our home, our family, our needs and our walk with God.  We haven't always had a smooth path, often times our path is bumpy and full of rocks but Chris stands firm in his faith and doesn't run or hide.  Chris is the type of man I had hoped Matthew would see and become more like.  Chris is a man that was raised by parents who valued him, his life, and their family.

And so, as I read my son's report this morning, I realized that prayers had been answered.  I realized that what I wanted Matthew to value in life, he is seeing and opening his eyes to.  Matthew has in his paper how his relationship with his biological father was never one of a father/son but more of a "have to have".  It breaks my heart to see what Matthew wrote about his "visits" with his father.  How he was ignored, left home alone, constantly introduced to new girlfriends or wives.  And I have to question if I protected him.  But in his paper, he has listed that me, his Mom, is a big reason on why he is so strong today.  Me?  I just want to hug him and say, no son, YOU are a big reason why I am so strong.  YOU came into my life when I needed you so badly.  And I just have to thank God that He has walked with us through all of it.

Our children see what we value in life.  If we value things or money, they are going to see that and grow up with those same values.  In no way am I saying I was a perfect parent..ha, far from it!  Even with Matthew being 20 years old, I still make mistakes and over-parent.  But I'm here and I've put in the work and the effort.  Our children need to see that they have value and that we, as their parents, value them.

Matthew finished one section of his paper talking about how different his biological father is from Chris.  Just the words on paper was confirmation to see that God had brought this family together.  God has been in this family from the moment I met Chris shortly after Matthew was born.  And God brought it to complete fruition when Chris adopted Matthew last year.  In Matthew's words, "no longer am I tied to a person who didn't want me or love me or even care about me but instead, I am now truly Dad's".  Oh be still my heart.  Value.  My son has and does feel valued and has those same values for life tucked in his heart.  I may not have gotten it right the first time, but God knew the plan all along. 

I've said it so many times in my life, God takes the ugly and makes it truly something beautiful.  And as I read Matthew's final paper, I could see the ugly and then I could see the beautiful.  I could see where Chris and I instilling values into our son made the difference.  And to this day, Matthew values our parent/child relationship.  Most importantly he values himself and has a heart for others.  I can't take complete credit for that.  Most of that is God working in our lives and our family and a good portion is from how I was instilled values and importance from my parents.

Friends, your children are watching you.  What values are you instilling within them?  What are you placing priorities on?  "Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them."- Deuteronomy 4:9 (NIV)

Parenting is not easy or for the faint at heart.  The road is not paved with roses but rather often times with thorns.  But our children need to be raised with seeds for God in their hearts.  We, as parents, need to show our children they are the priority and that what they do, what they see, how they act and who they are around matters.  Pray for your children and pray for your parenting.  When God is at the center of our families, that is where the true value of life is.

"The godly walk with integrity; 

blessed are their children after them."  Proverbs 20:7 (NLT)

Heavenly Father, You love us and you love our families.  Even when we don't get it right, You give us second chances and opportunities to trust You and try again.  Lord, I thank You for the way You allow us to parent the little (and not so little) people in our lives.  May our children grow up to see You as a priority in their lives and may we as parents never miss an opportunity to instill in our children the values for success and strong faith in You.  Amen.