The week started out normal. Chris was working, I had BSF and Matthew was in his normal school/work routine. Chris started complaining that he just didn't feel well. Me, being the always supportive wife, told him, it's a cold and stress. He had a lot going on at work and you know how men carry stress. But alas, I was wrong! By Wednesday night, we were on our way to the ER. I have never been so terrified. I remember speeding just hoping a cop car would appear in my back window...but not this trip. As I sped down the road, I just kept praying..."Please God, please, get us to the hospital. Please God- this can not be your plan. Please Please Please heal my husband!".
Meanwhile, Chris, who was barely breathing and slouched over in the seat was saying his own prayers. I would later find out his prayers were for God to watch over his family if he was being called home. Two different prayers. Two different viewpoints. Chris was ready to go home whereas I was not prepared to let go. But God answers our prayers in His way.
And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it. John 14:13-14
We arrived in the ER presenting with chest pains, shortness of breath, and intense pain shooting through Chris' shoulder. Praise God Chris was taken to the back immediately. Within minutes my support team showed up and never left my side. I've always said that God places the people we need in our lives when we need them. Seasons as Chris calls it. Some seasons last our entire lives, some a short moment in time. There is no greater feeling of love than what I feel from my sisters in Christ. To have people show up at the hospital at our greatest time of need still brings me to tears. Knowing that my family was not close by, my BSF family came to my side. I can't thank them enough.
It took what seemed like a lifetime for a diagnosis to come for Chris. I praise God it wasn't his heart. But the what if's started flowing when we found out it was a blood clot in his right lung. What if it had gone to his head? His heart? What if another shows up? Ya know, you can wear yourself out with the what if's in life. I can still vividly remember the coloring of my husband's face. The short gasping breaths he was taking. The wincing in pain that came with every movement he made. I can remember placing my hand on his head and pleading with God to ease the pain. Comfort him Lord. Make him whole again.
Chris and I have a secret signal, as I'm sure many married couples do. When there is a crisis, an uncertain time, a worry or fear, Chris gives me a wink. That wink represents so much. It tells me he's with me, he's got me. It reminds me God is with us. It confirms we'll be ok no matter what. That Wednesday night in the ER, there was no wink. Every chance I got I searched his face looking for that wink but to no avail. And then more panic began setting in. There's no wink. We're not ok, this is not ok!
The reality of the seriousness of the situation started setting in. A pulmonary embolism is a blood clot that occurs in the lungs. It can damage part of the lung due to restricted blood flow, decrease oxygen levels in the blood, and affect other organs as well. Large or multiple blood clots can be fatal. The blockage can be life-threatening.
How had this happened?? Where do we go from here? The questions started flowing through my mind and then there was just quiet. And then there was just peace. Yes, I was still concerned, worried, anxious...But God reached down, wrapped his love around me and said, "hush child, I've got
In my study of Romans this year, we are learning through Paul what a Christian looks and acts like. That question came to the forefront last week in my lesson and I couldn't help but travel back to the events around Chris. I could have gotten mad. I could have screamed. I could have let the fear and anxiety of the unknown take control of my emotions. But is that what we are supposed to look like? As Christians and believers in Christ, are we supposed to let our emotions win or are we to use our trust and faith in God as our anchor when times are tougher than we are prepared for? How blessed to be able to pray to God, give Him my fears and know that because I am a child of the King, I will be ok, it will be ok.
Chris was kept in the hospital for two additional days. I had some long conversations with God on the drives to and from. But God is healing my husband. But God is showing me He is actively involved in my life and all that my life entails.
It's funny, since this medical emergency Chris and I view things a bit differently. I want to protect him, nurture him, just love every moment with this man. But I can't be everywhere with him. So I have to trust not only God to watch over Chris, but I also have to trust Chris. I have to trust that my husband too understands the seriousness of what happened and won't overdo it at work. I have to trust that Chris has people in place in case something happens. We both have to trust.
A near fatal situation can change your perspective quickly. Chris has a different air about him these last few days. Gone are the stress lines etched into his face. Those are replaced with gratitude that he is alive. Praises that he can continue to do life with Matthew and I. Chris' perspective has shifted. Priorities are different in the Evoy house. More praise, less grumbling.
And so I can't seem to stress enough just how great our God truly is. I can't share enough how loving our Father is. He knows each of us by name. He knows the hairs on our heads. He knows our needs, hears our prayers and gifts us grace and mercy when we don't deserve it.
Chris is healing. He will be ok. Me? I'm learning to let go and let God. We have a journey ahead of us with treatments, medical testing, medications, but God already knows the outcome. God is walking with us each step of the way. God's hand is over our home.
Heavenly Father, I can't praise you enough for the healing you gave my husband. I praise You for all that You are and all that You do for Your children. You are our comforter, healer and mighty physician. Thank you for loving me enough to hear my prayers and to answer them in mighty ways. Amen.
